


Quite the Poser

by BarPurple



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Happy, Mild Smut, Silly, Suggestive Themes, Underwear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-14 13:30:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9183718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/pseuds/BarPurple
Summary: The real question was when had he recently received a blow to the head strong enough to make him forget ordering these, these things?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [beastlycheese](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beastlycheese/gifts).



Baffled; bewildered; befuddled all apt descriptions of Rumple’s current state of mind. He checked the address label on the box again, that was defiantly his name and the pawnshop’s address, both of which were repeated on the invoice in his hand. The contents in the box matched the list as far as he could tell. The real question was when had he recently received a blow to the head strong enough to make him forget ordering half a dozen posing pouches? He wasn’t getting so old he’d forget doing this sort of thing, was he? 

He was about to call the company and yell when a thought occurred to him; Belle. In their rush to get to work on time this morning she had mentioned something about a delivery, and he dimly remembered that underwear was mentioned. A smile curled his lips; if Belle wanted to try something new in the bedroom then who was he to argue? The interesting collections of undies were shoved into the box and Rumple locked up the shop early, this was going to take a little preparation.

Freshly showered and keeping a close eye on the clock to make sure he was ready for Belle’s return Gold took a closer look at the posing pouches. The crocodile one was instantly rejected, he’d never liked that nickname. The elephant and the thing that he thought was a bird were similarly dismissed. The gold one had potential and certainly covered more than the others, but perhaps a bit tacky? Probably. He smiled at the tiny kilt; this was the one for tonight.

Getting into something so skimpy should not have required a full length mirror and a contortion act, but it did. First he twisted the elastic that was supposed to sit across his hips, which resulted in the thong back hiking far too far between his arse cheeks for comfort. After a moment of swearing he’d got everything untwisted and uncrossed his eyes. Next came trying to keep the kilt out of the way so he could tuck the essentials into the pouch only to discover one of those annoying plastic tag thingies holding the pouch closed. For reasons best known to nobody at all Rumplestiltskin, wielder of more magic than the entire staff and student body of Hogwarts, reached for a pair of scissors. They gleamed in the mirror and he stared between their sharp edge and the delicate area he was aiming for.

“Sod that.”

A snap of his fingers and the annoyed tag was banished along with the scissors. After a moment of undignified squatting, groping and rearranging he was finally wearing the pouch as intended. He swung his hips back and forth and scrutinised his reflection. It was, well, interesting was the best word. Out of habit his hands rose to his chest to straighten his absent tie, hum that was an idea, Belle had some very creative uses for his ties and he had one that matched the tartan. He’d just finished knotting it loosely around his neck when the front door opened.

“Rumple? Are you home?”

“Bedroom, sweetheart.”

Rumple fidgeted around for a moment and finally leaned as casually as he could against the dresser. As Belle opened the bedroom door he said in his best seductive tone; “Your present arrived today, sweetheart.”

Laughter has its place in the bedroom, but not when one is wearing a kilt posing pouch. Rumple wrapped his arms around his naked chest and sighed at the giggling form of his wife. When she finally had her breath back she asked the obvious question; “What are you wearing Rum?”

He shuffled his feet nervously on the carpet.

“You ordered them, thought you wanted me to wear one.”

“I ordered them for Ashley’s bachelorette party. I told you this morning.”

Rumple screwed his eyes shut embarrassment burning through his veins, “I guess I didn’t quite hear that properly. I’ll put an order in for a replacement, I’m sorry sweetheart.”

He stooped to retrieve his fallen robe, but was stopped from plucking it from the floor by Belle’s toe. Rumple looked up along her leg and licked his lips at the come hither gleam in her eye. He slowly straightened up as she sashayed towards him and wrapped her fingers around his tie.

“Do that later,” Her eyes raked over his mostly naked body leaving him shivering in anticipation, “You went to all the trouble to dress up for me,” She tugged on his tie pulling his ear down to her lips so she could whisper, “I want to see what a sorcerer keeps under his kilt.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ghostwriter107 asked what would happen if Belle found a copy of The Full Monty. Hope this answers that.

Rumple found the DVD on the dining room table when he came in from work. He picked it up with mild interest and read the blurb on the back, maybe this was Belle’s selection for movie night. His wife snaked her arms around his waist.

“Looks a bit familiar doesn’t he?”

She reached round him and tapped the image of one of the actors. Rumple supposed that he shared a few features with that man, this Robert Carlyle, but only if he squinted.

“I guess, a bit.”

Belle hummed; “I’d say it’s more than a bit. So the question is husband; how did you sneak out of Storybrooke and become a movie star?”

He twisted in her embrace with a laugh.

“Seriously sweetheart, if I’d been able to leave the town during the Curse I wouldn’t have wasted my time with something as frivolous as a film career.”

“It would have appealed to your flair for the dramatic.”

“Perhaps, but it didn’t happen.”

 

He forgot about the DVD until after dinner when Belle made popcorn instead of desert. Of course it was the Carlyle film she wanted to watch. For all of five minutes he was hopeful that her comparison between him and this actor was over. That went out of the window when the man opened his mouth and spoke in an accent pretty close to Rumple’s own. Belle raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged.

“There are a lot of Scottish people in this realm Belle, you know they sound like they’re from the Frontlands.”

She did know she’d done research on parallel linguistic development between the old world and this one. She just nodded and snuggled closer to watch the film. Rumple shifted uncomfortably as the tale of Gaz and his son’s difficult relationship unfolded, but he refused to read anything into, this was just a story after all. He couldn’t help feeling empathy for the former steel worker.

Belle laughed at practice dancing scenes. 

“Can’t deny he moves like you, Rumple.”

He prodded her side making her squirm and giggle.

“I have a hell of a lot more grace than that and I walk with a limp.”

He felt a tingle of jealousy as Belle hummed when this Carlyle bloke striped off his tee-shirt. It was short lived as her fingers traced across his chest and she murmured; “I like yours better.”

He nodded at the screen towards the lizard tattoo on the actor’s shoulder, “Don’t want me to get inked up then?”

“Nope.”

By the final scene in the working man’s club Rumple had conclusive proof that this actor wasn’t his alter-ego.

“No scar on his leg.”

“True, but he has a cute backside just like you.”

Rumple rolled his eyes with all of his impish flair.

“Oh dear, does this mean you’ll be running of to Hollywood or wherever to court this Carlyle man?”

Belle wriggled and straddled his lap.

“Not a chance, Rumple.”

After a lingering kiss that reassured him of his place in her affections, she pulled back and pursed her lips at him.

“I wouldn’t object to seeing you in that red leather thong.”

Considering their last fun evening featuring a posing pouch Rumple was happy to oblige her.

**Author's Note:**

> Beastly prompted A mystery box of posing pouches is sent to Gold. He thinks Belle sent them and greets her in them. on the condition that I wrote a happy fic.


End file.
